It's not my job to make you happy

I am almost 40 and I just recently fully accepted this fact: It isn't my job to make sure everyone is happy. In fact, one of the best ways to ensure that everyone is UNhappy is to go around trying to make them all happy!

I am a natural people-pleaser. For ages I marked my success by the happiness of those around me. And then had kids, 3 little individuals.

Trying all day to make 3 vastly different people simultaneously happy (not to mention my husband) is like trying to catch a snowflake in your warm hand. You might have it in your hand for a split second but then it melts. It was an exercise in futility.

A few years back I read a blog post that started slowly changing my way of thinking about being happy. +Penelope Trunk wrote about being happy vs. being interesting. She pointed out that in many cases happiness reflects being satisfied with the status quo. And being interesting is the result of constantly seeking new experiences.

And I also started following +Glennon Melton at Momastery.com. Her constant reiteration of "We can do hard things" began to sink in. Those hard things are the same new experiences and challenges that make us interesting.

Some of the things that bring me the most satisfaction in life are the things that were REALLY hard and REALLY scary to do (like giving birth, starting new careers, going on first dates). Sure those things resulted in long term happiness. But to start with they were hard and scary and caused more stress than immediate happiness.

So now instead of seeing my role as the Happy maker, I see myself as a supporter of hard things. I encourage my kids to keep plugging along at those hard things and to try new experiences. And the best thing is that happiness and satisfaction is often the result of those hard challenges. And on the days when those hard things result in tears and frustration, that is OK.